Ashley Tisdale Is All Grown Up

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Here’s some recent pictures of Ashley Tisdale in a bikini with a friend who I don’t know. Hilary Duff and Ashley Tisdale are really the only two Disney celebrities that have turned out normal. But now Hilary is pregnant so congrats Ashley, you outlasted them all! Now leak some pictures, you made your point.

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Selena and Vanessa in a bikini for movie? I’ll fap

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Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez are starring in a movie called Spring Breakers. The behind thescenespictures have been going around the internet like wildfire. Whoever wrote and casts this movie is brilliant. Vanessa is considered old, we’ve seen her naked tons of times but Selena is a newcummer (see what I did there?) Vanessa is the slutty one to corrupt the sexy newcummer Selena. Wait, I forgot where I was going with this.

I hate babies

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Jessica Simpson is still pregnant. It seems like it’s been that way for the past 3 years. I got a theory that Jessica just wanted to stay overweight so she got pregnant. Lord knows she has the money to take care of the baby. Really though, what’s the point of having a baby? Who has time to take care of one of those demons? We are in a recession, we gotta work and pay $100 a gallon for gas and and and blah blah blah and dey took yer jabs!

Natalie Portman goes swimming

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The trailer for Natalie Portman’s latest movie was released on the internets a few days ago and we got a glimpse of the Portman in a thong. Sure she’s a white girl that’s flat as a board but i don’t care, she’s wife material. I watched the movie Brothers like 5 times because she’s so eff’in adorable. I don’t blame Spider-man, if she made out with my brother i would put a gun to my head too.

She looks photoshopped but she’s not

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I’m probably exaggerating a little bit about Britney Spears looking Photoshopped but she looks really great! This reminds me of the Britney i use to fap to when i was a horny little teenager. Remember that video Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know? Man i totally scabbed up watching that video back in 2000.

Jessica really hit the wall

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Man Jessica Simpson really hit the wall. It’s kind of sad because she looks depressed putting on a fake smile. What happened to the Jessica on her reality show on MTV? I love dumb hot girls but a dumb grotesque girl is just plain unappealing. Nobody was touching Jessica in her prime, not even Britney. I know what happened. She was married to Nick Lachey, she went and shot Dukes of Hazzard and seen Johnny Knoxville and his Jackass friends and thought to herself “wow these guys are fun, Nick is kind of boring” so she ends up banging Bam Margera and knows she eff’ed up. So now she’s screaming at Nick’s girlfriend because she knows she lost a good guy. Bam! End of story.

Her hair is stupid and her boobs are nice

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Here’s Rihanna on the set of her music video What’s My Name. Why can’t Rihanna keep a eff’in hair color and stay with it? Does she realize people aren’t looking at her head? Actually we aren’t even looking from her neck up, she could get a Hitler haircut and I still would wanna stick my junk in between those golden brown wagons.

Flashback: That’s just ridiculous

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I mean really. Look at those things. I did my editorial job by researching Pamela Anderson’s bra size and i came up with 34DD. Should wagons that big wear a top like that? Of course she should but that’s silly looking. Could you really have an actual conversation with her wearing that? I kinda feel bad for Pamela getting so many implants because her nipples look really strange (NSFW Clicky.) I would still insert my penis but afterwards strongly deny it.